She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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