May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
