Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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