so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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