They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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