he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
