Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
