please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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