weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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