Just cropdusted the office
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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