Pregnant stripper...not hot.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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