White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I need to align my fucking chakras
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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