Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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