I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Randomize
