i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
try to milk me bitch
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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