When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
