You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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