Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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