Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
