Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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