oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
