thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
is wine microwaveable?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
