White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
