I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
