they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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