We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
