Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Vodka?
Forever.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
you never un-have a 4some
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
