Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
