Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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