I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
