Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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