it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm sobbing to NWA
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
