We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
