Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
