spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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