I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
When are your genitals available?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
