I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
