Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
