he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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