I just pynch a tree in the face
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
