So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
