I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
