How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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