PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
