he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
