and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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