So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
