i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
