he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
