when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The beer is more important than you right now.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
